You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
