What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
