i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love having hate sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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