addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
