ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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