He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
