on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
