is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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