Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I faked an abortion last night.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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