no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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