He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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