i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
