Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize