had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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