Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
