I think I died a long time ago.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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