She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize