I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
