She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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