as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
