Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize