Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
