We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
