I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
