That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
