she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
