I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
