Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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