You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
