He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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