So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
