his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
