Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
