Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she peed on how many people?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
