she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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