I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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