im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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