Rock
Scissors
Fuck
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
