I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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