his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
