All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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