Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize