i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
