My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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