He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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