what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
