my mouth tastes like poor choices
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
how drunk are you?
Several
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
