How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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