everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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