too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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