apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize