did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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