Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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