wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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