My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
