its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
