I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
