Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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