Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
