i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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