i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
