I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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