closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
