just come out here and I will go home with you...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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