I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
